Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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