Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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