I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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