Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
