I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
