in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
