State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
