The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
