So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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