I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
