I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize