An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
