I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
