she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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