I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
