Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
