my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
