Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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