Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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