someone get that fucking seahorse.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I currently don't understand fingers.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
