Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
