woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
