That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
