Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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