My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Maybe he injected his testicle?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
