Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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