Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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