maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
