that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
