Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
