he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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