bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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