I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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