I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
