I met the friendliest cop last night
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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