is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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