so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
