in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
