why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
