More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize