Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
