My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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