there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
