she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
