I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
