I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
