Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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