YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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