She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
