My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize