I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
