my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
