Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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