is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize