Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
