and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There r osticjed everywhere
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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