So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
