I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
