Jerry, you need to find god
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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