i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
