It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
