On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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