If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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