he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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