I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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