I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
