I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
