Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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