didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Drunk is not a location!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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