somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
