God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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