even my farts smell like vagina
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
