i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
