its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
