I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
