the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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