I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
