Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
