8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
