just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
