After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
