too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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