My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
