I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
