Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
