I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
