if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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