You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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