I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
