Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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