Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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