The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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