I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
