I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
