Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
