tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
