Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize