So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize